Hello my love,

It is early in the morning here in Scotland, I am sitting in an old car on my way to a castle in the highlands. It is foggy and cold. I suppose this is what I always imagined when I used to daydream as a child of coming here. I look out the window and see a boy on a beautiful black horse, he is alone, surveilling the lands, as if he owned them, or was a part of them, and I can’t imagine a better life to lead. Remember so long ago when I used to dream about this life? I once promised you I would write you letters from far away places for you to tie with a little white ribbon and save in a wooden box in the library of our house. Letters you would keep to yourself, a secret habit between us. These letters would not say anything secretive in themselves, but you would hide them from the children to preserve their romantic and age old allure anyway. I can’t help but wonder what you are doing as I walk up the stairs to this new mission, to this new, temporary life. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, I imagine you asleep in your bathrobe on your chair by the fireplace, your papers slipping off your lap as the cracking of the fire and the slow rythmic breathing of the dog lull you into a deep sleep. I like to think you are dreaming of me my love, of where I am and what I am doing. It is early morning and I have had nothing to eat yet, somebody knock on the door and offers me hot tea and a scone, a small snack before breakfast. I am to meet my new patron at breakfast. I write you this letter, my darling, as a goodbye, because tomorrow I will become a new person. I will not have to cease being myself, but when my pen touches the paper I will no longer be your wife, but a stranger, writing someone else’s life.

I look out the window onto the world I have entered and wonder what life will be like through the eyes of this man, whose life was spent so differently than my own, but this is what I do. I open my bag and find your note, and I am suddenly overwhelmed, you have once again brought me to tears. Your love, your support, the way you told me I could do this… This is the life I wanted, this is the life I love. Thank you my darling, thank you for understanding.

Goodbye darling,

D