And it is missing a “Things other people would want me to do” which would encompass the things that are useful and nothing else.
I got on a train a few months ago and now I can’t get off. The next stop is in over a year, and I simply don’t know what to do. I kind of feel like I am living in a perpetual video game where this train doesn’t slow down at any station between now and the final destination, in fact it just gets faster and faster. Like most video games, it is full of bad guys, the kind that keep multiplying as you go on, selfish zombies who kill you slowly and then toss you out the window once you are too weak or powerless to survive.
But this train looks shiny on the outside, and there are hundreds of people fighting for each seat. You pawn your best assets, little pieces of your heart, just so you can afford a ticket. You feel like it will all make sense once you hit the destination.
But what you don’t know is that this train is just the first leg of a journey, from this one, if you survive it, you need to pawn what is left of you, your last bits of sanity, just to get on the next one and have a return ticket home. And you will think it is probably worth it.
But when you get home, will it all still be the same? you will have only bits and pieces of your sanity and what you can pay off of your deabt will only give you a fragmented heart, you will be so worn out and tired that your initial intention of coming back to make home a better place will seem too much of a daunting task and you will just hop on train after train, trying to get as far away from this as you can. Always fighting the zombies and looking longingly out the window at the people who look longingly at your train. They, who only picture the destination printed on the ticket, don’t know you are dying inside, on a train destined for trainwreck and with only a one way ticket.
And this train, despite it feeling like the only thing in life that will get you to “where you want to be”, is really only circling around “things that are useful”, very fast!
